Reflections
by di1682
Summary: Thomas has his half-day off in a while. As he makes his way to the village, he thinks about his relationship with Jimmy and how things have changed for both of them


**Soooo I tried to write this before Christmas, but, oh well. It's during the holiday season anyways. I hope you guys like it. Please tell me what you think.**

**Warning: Extreme fluff, silly fluff. I love fluff, I'm a sucker for romance. **

* * *

It was a cold and dark December, it hasn't been like this in years. Downton Abbey was covered in white beautiful snow. They said that it was some kind of record of snow, or so Thomas read in the paper a few hours ago.

It was Thomas Barrow's half day off in a month and a half of straight work. As under butler, he had a lot of responsibilities, especially when Mr. Carson was occupied elsewhere or down with a cold (it has been happening a lot since it was a cold and dark December) so half days were rare, but he didn't complain... Well, almost.

"Mr. Barrow, I'd like for you to leave early on your half day so you won't return when it's cold and dark already, I don't want you stranded in the snow or you getting hurt," Mrs. Hughes said with a kind smile.

"Yes, Mrs. Hughes," Thomas said as he rolled his eyes but smiled back at her.

"Have a good time, you deserve it," she said as she patted his arm and walked out of the servants hall.

It had been two years since the night that Elsie Hughes stood up for Thomas. He thought no one would care for him, not after what he stupidly did to Jimmy in his room. Thomas shuddered at the memory. He had a soft spot for Mrs. Hughes, he felt grateful, strangely grateful.

As Thomas began to walk away from Downton Abbey, he rubbed his gloved palms and adjusted his fedora. A lot had happened in the last two years with a certain Jimmy Kent too, and all for the positive reasons that Thomas still couldn't believe his good fortune on these specific outcomes.

There was the beating at the fair and how he had won Jimmy's friendship and forgiveness for everything. Jimmy had also apologized profoundly to Thomas for being a jerk and "a complete and utter idiot," like Jimmy said one night after a hard day's work. Thomas was pleased to hear those words and that was the first sign that showed Jimmy cared for him. Thomas smiled at the memory.

A few months after their agreed friendship, Thomas made a silent vow to never touch Jimmy again, no matter how appropriate the timing was. One night, they were alone in the yard on a cigarette break, and Jimmy was telling an embarrassing thing that Alfred had done during the Crawley's dinner time.

"Oh, Mr. Barrow, you missed it! Alfred had the pate, as he bent down to offer Lady Rose, the spoon nearly fell off her hand and pate flew straight to Alfred's right eye! She bursted out laughing, I wanted to laugh too! The look on Mr. Carson's face made it even worse!" And Jimmy started to laugh hard.

Thomas was laughing too, he lost his composure and nearly fell, putting his hands on Jimmy's shoulders and his on Thomas' waist to steady him.

"Whoa, Mr. Barrow! Careful!"

Thomas realized that he was standing too close to Jimmy and that he was touching him. _Oh my God! I broke my vow!_ Thomas let go quickly.

"I'm so sorry, Jimmy. I, I didn't mean anything by it!" He was mortified that he turned his back to Jimmy and closed his eyes thinking the worse._ He's going to hate me, I ruined everything, again!_ Then he felt a gentle hand on his arm as he was carefully turned around by a worried Jimmy. "You didn't do anything wrong," Jimmy said softly. "You can touch me, I'm not going to report you or anything. You're my friend and it's fine if you touch me when we're in each other's company. Alright?" He finished as he gave a squeeze to Thomas' arm and then let go.

Thomas sniffed, nodded and chuckled feeling all of a sudden silly. "Under one condition," he said as his hand laid on Jimmy's shoulder for the first time in so long.

Jimmy smirked, "what's that?"

"That you call me Thomas when we're in each other's company."

Jimmy nodded. "Right you are, Mr. Ba- I mean, Thomas."

They both laughed.

Thomas smiled at that memory, it gave him goose bumps. After that night, his love for Jimmy grew more and more. The days that followed, Jimmy would acknowledge him by walking behind him and placing his hands on Thomas' shoulders, that made him feel like jelly. He'd look back at Jimmy who'd smile at him as he left the room.

"He seems to be more comfortable with you," Mrs. Hughes observed quietly. Thomas nodded and smiled at her. "He is. We came to an agreement and we have grown closer. I've never had a friend like him."

Thomas had no problem in talking to Mrs. Hughes this open about his situation with Jimmy. He tried to keep most to himself but he knew the woman would never betray him. Not the way Sarah O'Brian did those years ago. Mrs. Hughes was different.

There were times that they had their half days off at the same time and they would go to the village and go to the pub and spend all their time together. There was one specific time that made Thomas grin every time he thought of it and it was almost everyday.

It was late September, late in the afternoon afternoon, the sky was blue, the sun shone and the breeze was gentle, perfect for them. Thomas and Jimmy were in the pub having dinner. That specific day, the pub was crowded, the only available seats were by the window. It was a table that faced the street, so they had to sit next to each other, not thT Thomas complained. They ate as they were making fun of the people that were walking outside, giggling all the time. During some of those giggle fits, they would bump their shoulders against each other, or a hand would fall on a shoulder or thighs would touch. Both were very comfortable with each other.

A few hours later, they were walking towards the Abbey but they were still miles away. The weather was warm and both took off their jackets. Jimmy eyed Thomas for a few seconds.

"Is that a new tie?"

"Ah, yes, it is."

Jimmy moved to stand in front of Thomas to look at his pale blue tie. He took it and ran down his fingers slowly, feeling the texture. Thomas swallowed at their closeness. Jimmy looked up at Thomas. "It's lovely, Thomas," he muttered. "It brings out your eyes."

Thomas' mouth fell. Was Jimmy flirting with him? He chuckled. "Thank you, uh, Jimmy. I got it the last time I was in town." He tried to sound as casual as possible.

"Mmm," Jimmy agreed. "You'll have to take me there next time. I'd like a new tie and I want you to choose it."

He's definitely flirting.

The wind blew a little, making Thomas shiver as he was out of Downton Abbey's property. Thomas wished that Jimmy was there with him. It was a shame that his half day fell the day before. They would have had fun. Thomas kept walking untik he finally reached the village. He saw Christmas decorations all over the place and Thomas felt a little sad. Christmas was supposed to be a holiday filled with happiness and love.

There were few that were nice, like when his parents had their supper with him and his you ger brother. However, most of them were lonely. His first Christmas when he was on his own, behind the trenches, when he'd hide away in his room at Downton to avoid everyone. The last Christmas that he was miserable, it had been when Jimmy ignored him. That was a painful one. Jimmy kept trying to persuade Ivy and brought a mistletoe and she was more than happy to kiss Jimmy. Thomas remembered seeing this and how he felt a cold hit in his chest when he saw them kiss. It was too much to bear. He pushed his chair violently and ran upstairs leaving everyone looking at him, ignoring their comments. When he reached his bedroom, Thomas sobbed uncontrollably, his melancholy had reached its limit and he didn't know what else to do. He tried his best to perform his duties well and just move on with his life as best as he could. Good thing he took that beating a few months later!

That first Christmas that he was friends with Jimmy, the young man had bought him a present.

"Happy Christmas, Thomas!" Jimmy said as he sat next to him in the servants hall and handed him a box that was neatly wrapped.

Thomas gasped. "Jimmy! You shouldn't be spending your money!"

Jimmy shook his head. "I like to buy things to the people I care about and you're my mate."

"Did you buy Ivy a present?" Thomas asked hesitantly and regreted the question.

Jimmy laughed and shook his head. "Nah. Just you."

Thomas felt himself burn and his cheeks flush. He only bought one present? Unbelievable. He opened it and stared at it in awe for a few seconds. "How did you..."

Jimmy smiled and placed his hand on Thomas' arm. "You mentioned how your pocket watch had broken and that you could not find the missing part for it when it was discontinued after the war," he said softly. "So I got you the closest looking pocket watch, it took me weeks!"

Thomas took out the silver pocket watch out of the box, along with the shiny chain that was attached to it. He took his time to look at it, he opened it and saw that it had the correct time and everything. It took all his willpower to not hug Jimmy and rain kisses all over him when seeing his new watch. "It's... beautiful, Jimmy, I... Have no words for this," he said in awe.

"It's nothing really," Jimmy said shyly.

"Nothing? This means the world to me, thank you!" Thomas laughed. "I got yours upstairs, I'm going to get it. Don't move."

"Aye, sir."

Thomas tan upstairs and stopped at the top of the stairs for a minute. He saw his brand new pocket watch and sighed deeply, this was by far the best Christmas of his life.

As Thomas walked down the street, he could see how people were enjoying themselves and how merry they felt. He wanted to buy Jimmy something special, even though the music book that he gave Jimmy last year was the best of his life, as he had said, Thomas wanted to top that. He checked his pocket watch and ran his thumb through it. Jimmy had been sweet to him in this past year, very sweet. Then he spotted the shop that he was looking for and went to it.

For the past few months, Jimmy had been complaining how he only had two suits. So he had one made for him. Thomas had been saving for this and was able to afford it. It was a dark blue suit, a white shirt and a red tie, the same fabric that Jimmy had complemented on Thomas' tie a few months back. He was proud of his purchase. It was going to be delivered the next day. All he needed were the shoes for it, but he would have to bring Jimmy with him on their next time off to get it so that Jimmy can choose the ones he wants.

Later, Thomas sat in the pub and he was quietly eating his dinner. He looked around and saw a few men playing darts in a corner, a few other were sitting on a table with drinks and they were laughing, then on another corner, he saw two men sitting close together and by the look of their mischievous grins, it seemed that they were sharing a delicious secret that had them giggling and snorting. He saw himself and Jimmy in those two men. He chuckled and finished his dinner.

It was starting to get cloudy and dark by the minute and Thomas remembered Mrs. Hughes' warning regarding the weather, so he decided to make his way back. Some people were saying how it was going to snow again that night. As Thomas got away from the village and was finally in Downton Abbey's grounds, he slowed his pace. All these memories that he was having were making him happy because it meant that things with Jimmy were stronger and better than when they first met and before the doomed kiss. Things that had made Thomas become a better person because of Jimmy. Memories that had made Thomas fall helplessly, if not, more in love with Jimmy. He longed to see his younger friend, talk to him, hear his voice, his laughter, see his smile... But that also made Thomas sad because he knew that he would never have the kind of love that he wanted with Jimmy and they made that clear a long time ago. Thomas felt the back of his eyes sting with tears and shook his head. _No! It would have been a lot worse if he weren't speaking to me like that year, that was hell. Now I have his friendship and his trust, what more can you ask for? At least I can touch him and savor the moments we have together. _The tears that he was trying to fight were coming down freely.

The wind was blowing harder and Thomas decided to linger by a tree for a while until he could collect himself. He took out his handkerchief to clean his face but the tears kept coming. _Why am I crying?! This is ridiculous!_ It started to snow and Thomas looked up to see thousands of snowflakes fall on him. "For fuck sakes," he cursed. He sniffed and took several breaths. He still didn't feel better but he had to make it back before it got worse. Suddenly, a gust blew and Thomas' fedora went with it. "Ah, shite!" _Fuck that._ He put his arms on the tree and rested his head and let himself cry. All the frustration that he had built all over these years was coming out. Long minutes went by.

Thomas moved away from the tree to see how heavy the snow became. He hugged himself and started to make his way back to Downton. _I don't want Mrs. Hughes worrying about me... She's the only one that cares. _His thoughts were suddenly interrupted.

"Thomas!"

Thomas raised his head towards the voice.

"Thomas!"

He looked around, it had stopped snowing and the wind calmed down. He didn't see anyone, all he could see was white and tree trunks.

"Thomas!"

The voice was getting closer each call. Who was looking for him? He dried his face but he knew that he was not presentable to face anyone. Wait a minute, was that Jimmy of all people looking for him? That was impossible. The he saw a figure coming towards him. He cleared his throat.

"Jimmy?"

"Yes! Oh, Thomas!" Jimmy exclaimed as he came to stand in front of Thomas. "I'm so relieved to see you! I've been looking for you, I was afraid you got hurt or something."

Thomas stared at Jimmy. He looked so beautiful. He knew that he was wearing his livery but the dark coat and the scarf made him look stunning. His neatly combed hair was an adorable mess.

"Are you alright? Thomas, have you been crying?" Jimmy asked concerned. "Why have you been crying, Thomas?"

Thomas shook his head and smiled. "I wasn't crying, I'm fine."

"No," Jimmy said as he stepped closer to Thomas. He took off his right glove and placed it on Thomas' cheek. Thomas gasped lightly and couldn't help himself but close his eyes when he felt the touch. "You have been crying, your face is damp and your stuttering."

"I don't know what you're on about," Thomas said as he backed away. "Why are you out here?"

Jimmy smiled. "Mrs. Hughes was telling me how she told you to come back early because of the snow. She got worried and," Jimmy hesitated. "So did I."

Thomas frowned. "Well, as you can see, I'm fine."

"I know," Jimmy looked down. "I wanted to make sure that you were safe, I, uh, I wanted to see you."

Thomas shook his head and turned away to hide his shame. "Why?"

Jimmy moved around to stand in front of Thomas again and put his hands on his shoulders. "Because I love you."

Thomas' head moved up to see Jimmy smiling at him? "How- what? I - uh."

Jimmy giggled. "Now you're stuttering," he said warmly as moved his hands up and down Thomas' arms. "Yes, I love you, Thomas Barrow. Isn't this what you wanted all this time?"

Thomas was still in shock.

"You do a poor job at hiding your feelings," Jimmy laughed. "I know you still love me. Even good old Mrs. Hughes knows it."

Thomas felt mortified. "Oh no! Now everyone knows and I'm going to-"

"You're no getting sacked," Jimmy reassured. "His Lordship thinks highly of you and they know. I overheard Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes talking about it a couple of nights after your promotion. Mr. Carson had said how His Lordship had known all these years and that who was he to judge you. That you were still you."

Thomas blinked. Jimmy took his hands.

"Thomas," Jimmy breathed. "Every person in Downton Abbey has a great respect for you. Mrs. Hughes loves you... And so do I."

It was Jimmy's third time at confessing his love. Thomas' response was to smile, step closer and wrap his arms around Jimmy's waist who reciprocated the embrace. Thomas couldn't help but cry again.

"Oh, Jimmy!" Thomas cried. "Please tell me this is no joke. I couldn't bear it!"

"Oh, Thomas."_ He's so dense, it's endearing. _He looked at Thomas through his thick eyelashes. He could feel The older man's breath on his face. "Here's me giving you _everything _that you want and more." He cupped Thomas' face and moved him down so that Jimmy could kiss him. It was a slow and passionate kiss that told how every dream that was going to come, the many happy moments that would follow after this one. Thomas couldn't let go, even if he wanted to. Their kiss broke and their foreheads touched. "I'm so in love with you," Thomas whispered. "I never stopped loving you. I've been loving you more after we began our friendship."

Jimmy laughed and kissed Thomas again. "I'm in love with you too."

They held hands as they walked back to the Abbey. They would steal glances at each other and laugh joyfully. Thomas didn't feel alone anymore and neither did Jimmy. They would continue their lives together as they were when they were just friends, but now as lovers, things couldn't be warmer for this cold and dark December.


End file.
